Wednesday 28 August 2013

We & Our Mindset...

Few days back I got a call from a good friend of mine, little nervous, kind of confused & pretending to be happy, so eventually even  I got confused how to react to her news of getting married.. I tried to put her at ease by showing concern.. But her reaction was still the same.. She said that she is confused whether this is a correct decision or not. She met this guy just twice & according to that guy, he is okay marrying her. and since he is okay her parents are insisting her that she says yes as they think he is the perfect match for their daughter. Eventually even she agreed to the same & convinced herself so...

After few days, I asked her how she found this guy in person.. and her answer was shocking for me.. She said "he is okay yaar, I mean he is good looking, he is an engineer, works in a well known company, earns handsomely, and he belongs to a good family; my parents feel we would be a good couple"... I was waiting for the answer'.. but then realised, according to her these are the answers.... That's It??? Are these the reasons for you to marry this person?? I asked. She was a little puzzled by my reaction.. Then she said, what else do you want in a person? Her mom told her "baaki sab baad me thik ho hi jaata he... Tere papa aur mera nahi hua!!" now this again was a shocking & striking fact. Also, the reason of a big worry which left me with so many questions in my mind,  for God's sake if the things dont't go well!! then?? Is this a gamble??

Friends, eventually in India Arrange Marriage is still a decision which is 90%  people centric & not person centric. Here I am using People centric in both sense.. Most of the decisions, right from meeting a person to marrying a person are so much influenced by the people around us, that marriage no longer stays a personal choice or purely personal decision.. I wont say it is unnecessary, but we give so much extra weight  age to the superficial things like whose family he/she belongs to, education, degree, salary, where does he live, and so on..... And while gathering such information we loose so much of our energy & resources that when it comes to the basic core need to know him/her as a person we assume that everything is supposed to be good only... The decision of our whole life we take on an assumption!!! Wow....

Here I have a real fact & learning lesson to share with you about two dear friends of mine. coincidentally both got engaged on the same day of March. one of them got married in May while the other decided to marry in October. First friend got very less time to know her fiance as a person. Still whatever time she got she could sense that they both were not very compatible with each other. But many a times we tend to neglect our small inner instincts when there are positive things happening around us. That's exactly happened in her case, both she & her family ignored things, by saying "shaadi biyah me chhoti moti takraar hoti rehti he.. baad me sab thik ho jaata he.. ladka padha likha he samaj jaayega.. before marriage guys are not that matured, responsibility aane ke baad sab badal jaate he.." and they went ahead with the relation. And today unfortunately that so called educated guy never became mature and, could never understand the real meaning of a relation/ responsibility. and finally they ended up with a broken marriage in a very bad sense. Fortunately my friend has got a very good family to support her & very good friends to care, so she could stand again with dignity and confidence.

On the other hand, the other friend who also got engaged in march continued meeting her fiance. After few meetings they both realised that they do not match each other, and after a few heavy discussions with each other & with the families both decided to quit things then and there. Today fortunately she is happily married to a another person. [touch wood :-)]

The only reason I shared these two examples is, I just wanted all of us to understand that Instead of focusing on the superficial things we must spend our time to find out what kind of person he/she is!! Big yes, parents experience is important but at the same time parents should train their child to give importance to the person & not the things around the person.. We should think about our compatibility, values & Principles.. are these match??  Friends, these are the core needs of any relation. If these things match, your relation is half way through... And when it comes to fighting/arguments with each other, I would say it is also another need for a relation to survive. through small fights/arguments you get to know the person in a better way..

At the end I would only say, that marriage is a very sweet relation & YES it is a big decision of yours which you have to carry for rest of your life, so think carefully while making a decision. No matter whether you going in a love marriage or arrange marriage spend good time & keep minimum 6 months time span between engagement & marriage. Know a person, obviously we cant know a person thoroughly but at-least we know where & how we have to adjust & to what extent we can adjust, as a result we ourselves know whether this relation is worth taking ahead or not. Its a matter of next 40 years friends. Do not rush into the things. If taken correctly, nothing is less than heaven. Let us change our mindset & perceptions towards marriage. Let  us give a meaning to it by taking a sensible decision.. Let us not drag our decision just because we have taken it & nothing can change it.. Let us be more aware.

Would like to end up with lines written by marathi saint Chokhamela :-

काय भुललासी वरलिया रंगा।
उस परी डोंगा रस नव्हे डोंगा।।

Meaning, do not go on looks or appearance.. Although sugar cane is crooked, the juice out of it is way too sweet.. & has nothing to do with its appearance..

Thank you,


Prachi D. Khairnar.

Copyright © Prachi Khairnar. 

Saturday 17 August 2013

मला कळ्लेलं "CORPORATE"

मित्रहो, माझी कॉर्पोरेट ऑफिसमध्ये काम करण्याची तशी पहिलीच वेळ, त्यामुळे इथला अनुभव तसा म्हणायला गेलं तर फारच निराळा. या आधी त्यामानाने छोट्याच ऑफिस मध्ये काम केलेलं, आणि तिथे अगदी प्यून पासून ते बॉस पर्यन्त प्रत्येकाशी खेळीमेळीचं  आणि मनमोकळ असं माणुसकीचं नातं जमलेल. त्यामुळे जरा या ऑफिस मध्ये स्वतःला ट्यून अप करताना थोड़े एक्स्ट्रा एफोर्ट्स घ्यावे लागले. :-(

अगदी सुरुवातीला असच मी आणि ऑफिस कलीग चहाच्या ब्रेक मध्ये बोलत होतो, शेवटी न राहवून मी तिला माझ्या आधीच्या ऑफिस मधला आणि या ऑफिस मधला फरक बोलून दाखवला. मी म्हणाले इथे जो तो फ़क्त तुमच्याशी कामापुरतीच बोलतो, कोणालाच कोणाची पडलेली नसते, "Everybody seems to be very Professional" तसे सगळे तुमच्याशी चांगले बोलतात पण फ़क्त तोंडावर तुमच्या मागे हेच लोक तुमच्याबद्दल काहीवाही बोलतात असं कोणातरी तिसऱ्याकडूनच तुमच्या कानावर येतं, आपल्याकडून आपली मतं काढून घेउन आपण प्रांजळपणे दिलेली मतं मसाला लावून भलत्याच अर्थाने सांगितली जातात. बॉस समोर येस सर, ओके सर करतात आणि बाहेर येउन त्यालाच इतक्या शिव्या घालतात की काही विचारता सोय नाही, इथे कामाचं आठ तासाचं गणित गणतीतच नाहीये.  तुम्ही किती efficiently काम करता यापेक्षा तुम्ही किती एक्स्ट्रा वेळ ऑफिस मध्ये थांबता यावर तुमचं valuation केलं जातं. कधी कधी In fact most of the time  तुम्हाला तुम्ही तुमच्या बॉस पेक्षा क्लाइंटचेच एम्प्लोयी असल्यासारखे वाटू लागतं.  आणि या सगळ्यामुळे मला अगदी कधीतरी कोंडल्यासारख होतं.   मी अगदी भरभरून बोलत होते तेवढ्यात लक्षात आलं माझी मैत्रीण गालातल्या गालात हसत होती, कारण विचारल्यावर फ़क्त म्हणाली "Welcome to the CORPORATE LIFE"

आज जवळ जवळ एक - दीड वर्षानंतर असं जाणवतय की आपण ज्याला कॉर्पोरेट लाइफ असं म्हणतो त्यातही दोन प्रकार मोडतात. पहिला म्हणजे स्वतःच्या मेहनतीवर, तल्लख बुद्धीवर विश्वास ठेवणारा प्रकार... हा प्रकार अत्यंत मेहनती प्रचंड कामवेडा आणि हाच गुण या लोकांचा घात करतो असं म्हटलं तर ते फार चुकीचं ठरणार नाही.  दुसरा अणि सगळ्यात घातक प्रकार म्हणजे फ़क्त स्वतःची कातडी म्हणजेच नोकरी वाचवण्याच्या प्रयत्नात बॉसच्या, क्लाइंटच्या पुढे पुढे करणारा प्रकार. आणि सगळ्यात खेदजनक बाब हीच की आज दिवसेंदिवस दुसऱ्या प्रकारात मोडणारा वर्ग वाढताना दिसतोय. आज जो तो शर्यतीत उतरलेला दिसतो ते फ़क्त स्वतःचाच विचार करण्याकरता. याच दुसऱ्या प्रकारासाठी राहून राहून मनात येतं :-

जो तो स्वतःची कातडी वाचवण्यात मग्न आहे।
याचमुळे  की काय, प्रत्येकाचं जीवन भग्न आहे।।

परोपकाराचा आता कुठे लवलेश ही नाही।
दुसऱ्याचा विचार करायला मुळी आम्हाला उसंतच नाही।।

दिवसेंदिवस न्यूनगंडाच्या भावनेत गुंफत चाललेला।
स्वतःवरच नाही त्यामुळे  स्वकर्मावारुनही विश्वास उडालेला।।

म्हणूनच की काय एका नव्या शर्यतीत उतरलेला।
पुढे जाण्याऐवजी, एकमेकांचे पाय खेचण्यात रमलेला।।

आयुष्याच्या सरतेशेवटी मात्र, स्वतःच्या जीवनाचा अर्थ उमगलेला।
स्वछंदी पाखरा ऐवजी फ़क्त आणि फ़क्त खेकड्याचे जीवन जगलेला।।



प्राची खैरनार.

Copyright © Prachi Khairnar.

Sunday 4 August 2013

!!ऋणानुबंध मैत्रीचे!!



मैत्रीच्या ऋणानुबंधात,
मन बांधलय रेशमाच्या धाग्यांनी 
रेशमाच्या बांधलेल्या गठींनी, 
जगणं शिकवलय आयुष्यात !!

















आयुष्य जगता जगता,
रेश्मासोबत हसता हसता,
गूढ़ उकललय खऱ्या आनंदाच,
प्रेमाच्या नात्यात असतं फ़क्त प्रेम द्यायचं !!!


प्राची खैरनार'


Copyright © Prachi Khairnar. 

Thursday 1 August 2013

And we say " We are EDUCATED"......


We will throw poly-bags, wrappers, papers, cigarettes, orange peels and many more things in train, on road, in creek....
And we say "We are educated"!!!

If somebody tries to stop us, we will make faces or we will simply say that's none of your business....
And we say "We are educated"!!!

If somebody is using abusive language just because he or she got "dhakka" because of the unmanageable crowd in the train... We just keep mum saying that's none of our business...
And we say "We are educated"!!!

When some disaster happens we will say " saala sarkaar sirf paise khane ka kaam karta he" "BMC kuch kaam nahi karti".... What are we really expecting guys??? Are we expecting BMC is liable to clean out roads, rail tracks, every single corner of our city which are full of garbage created by us!!

While giving examples of other countries cleanliness do we really think once??  Move really start from us guys... Its very easy to point out mistakes of others but it takes courage to accept faults of self and rectify the same... Nothing is perfect we have to make it perfect... Likewise nothing is impossible we have to make it possible..

Lets be realistic guys and feel the proud while saying... "We are educated"!!!!

Prachi D. Khairnar.

Copyright © Prachi Khairnar.